Needs and Wants
Every so often I catch a "bible study" on the Christian Television Network (the week I was home sick from Sunday worship, the day I awoke at 4am and didn't want to hear how great my buns and thighs would look after using the special cream, and most recently channel surfing). Anyway, I usually watch and listen to these programs with my theological radar up and running. Health and wealth gospel...beep! I'm ok you're ok gospel...beep! Let's pick out one verse and exposition and assume for 2 hours...beep! But my radar caught a concept that I wanted to pose to you today...."We are called to love one another. We are called to love one another how we need to be loved not necessarily how we want to be loved" Hmm...let's ponder
If God loved me how I wanted to be loved, the Christian walk would be A LOT simpler. If God loved me how I wanted to be loved 7 years ago, it would be with a drink in one hand and a karaoke mic in the other. So, does this concept apply to how we interact with one another? Do we deal with surface issues or real issues? Are we really being helpful or are we becoming part of the problem? Words such as "enabling", "enslaving", "responsibility", and "empowering" come to mind in this ministry of service.
So, my question to you is...what do you think about the concept of loving how we need to be, not how we want to be loved?
posted by Nicole_Marietta @ 5:15 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I think God's Love is always the most possible both in quality and quantity so when we are uncomfortable with it it reveals something about how we view our selves.
This one’s kind of tough . . . people want what they want . . . they always know what’s best for them . . . so they/we think . . . have you read the five love languages? . . . it kind of touches on this idea.
Blessings,
Bret
Hi, I'm glad I found your blog - mine is on the same ring. My ability to allow God to love me the way I need to be loved is completely tied up with the fact I know He knows how I want to be loved, and he cares about it deeply - every time those two ways part company he has been there present in my life with reassurance and kindness that overflows into the pain. And I have to say he has met both needs perfectly over my lifetime.
In work in faith accompaniment/spiritual direction I also have to love both ways - the way the pilgrim wants and the way the pilgrim needs. But when a good director works with someone, through listening to the desires, and journeying through them with the pilgrim, the needs are usually unearthed and new perspectives found in the listening, reflection, prayer, and silences. I know my own spiritual director is pretty good at doing this with me, though she has been known to verbally put the boot in now and again! (But I keep going back...)
This same dimension appears in conflict and church conflict mediation. The parties often come wanting us to take sides, but what they need is the quiet confidence and hope that if they are willing, they can work together to find transformative pathways through the conflict. They can gain far more and grow far more by being loved through sensitive facilitation in conflict resolution than by us joining their 'side'. But this also has to address their great need to be loved and affirmed while they are stressed and hurting. It needs to be done with a great deal of kindness, respect, gentleness and sensitivity.
Their wants also matter, as well as their needs.
In the parable of the prodigal son, did the love the father showed the son love him the way he wanted or the way he needed? Was his character changed? What love did he need? It is interesting to reflect.
:0)
Warmest blessings,
Eleanor Burne-Jones TSSF novice, Penzance Corps, Cornwall.
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